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Flag of GOONS

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Basic Details
Founded August 20th, 2019
Headquarters Australia
Color Black
Status Defunct
Discord Server Join Here
El Presidente la Langosta Jazz R. Oppenheimer
Optimus Prime Minister Marx
Hambassidor JT Jag
Lard Commandante KhrisWolfe
Bus Fare Guru Agni365
Dumbo Wrangler Archibald
High War Adjudicator Dancemasterlee
Council w00tles
Literally Jesus
Total Nations 165
Score 154,225.59
Average Score 934.70
Alliance Rank 7
Active Blocs
MDAP Opus Dei
MDoAP Let's Be Drinking Buddies!
Active Treaties
MDoAP New Pacific Order
MDoAP Black Knights
MDoAP United Socialist Nations
MDoAP Polaris
MDoAP Guardians of the Galaxy
MDP Guinea Pig Whaling Corp
Protectorate The Warriors
Protectorate aNiMaLz
Protectorate Sputnik
Protectorate Bird Weed
Protectorate Heaven's Gate
NAP OrbisPay
Protectorate One Shot Killas
Protectorate Advanced Syndicalist Mechanics
Protectorate Mensa HQ

GOONS was a black team alliance founded on August 20th, 2019. Jazz R. Oppenheimer is the first and current El Presidente la Langosta. Largely GOONS membership comes from the forums.

On 5 February 2020, GOONS rebranded as the Green Protection Agency.



GONOS (hereafter referred to as GOONS) is an invasion alliance from a dead comedy forum with one goal, to relive our glory days through cheap shots at the general PnW playerbase.

Blasphemy I: Admission

Admission into GOONS is achieved in two steps. Either, by laying down an offering of :10bux: to That Pig or, the nation must submit at least one hilarious comic as to why we should allow them to join, MSPaint preferred. Upon completion of one of these steps, the nation shall receive protection.

Applying nations must not be a part of any existing alliance.

Blasphemy II: Government & The Closet

GOONS Closet: The Closet of GOONS is the governing body of the alliance. Any member of the Closet may ban any member from the alliance and may also reject membership to anyone. However, they must wrangle together at least two other members of the Closet to agree to these actions before they may be implemented.

El Presidente la Langosta (Lobster president): In charge of the entire alliance. All decisions that will affect the welfare of GOONS will be made by them.

Optimus Prime Minister: Second in command, with similar standing and power as the Presidente. All legislative measures (as well as election cycles) are handled by the OPM.

  • Hambassidor: Will handle requests from other alliances, These requests included, but are not limited to: Embassy Requests, Diplomatic Missions, etc. Also is required to perform various sexual favours over the course of their tenure.
  • Penile Envoy: A useless advisor, required to coup Jazz if he allies Fark.

Lard Commandante: Coordinates and implements economic goals, controls automation, & repairs broken discord bots.

  • Dumbo Wrangler: Responsible for maintaining and creating guides and other materials to assist member nations in the planning and execution of nation building. Is also the alliance's discord nanny and janitor.
  • Bus Fare Guru: Works with the Lard Commandante to research ways to utilitze game mechanics to better the GOONland Co-Prosperity Sphere.

Corvid Comptroller: In charge of research of appropriate & raidable alliances in which GOONS can pillage & plunder, also makes nests out of sticks upon request.

  • High War Adjudicator: In charge of processing mercyboard applicants, also gets pubbies to eat dog food for the enjoyment of the membership

Hurr Comm: A made up position which sole purpose is to ruin the fun of the other government member’s actions by constantly telling them “please stop acting like that”. Also, Chunky Monkey.

Let it be known that members of the Closet are essentially on the same level as one another when it comes to decision making. However, the Presidente/Lobster and Optimus Prime Minister will generally get their way most of the time.

Blasphemy III: War

It is at the discretion of the Closet to determine to what extent the alliance will spread grief upon the masses. However, it is a fair assumption that it will be a great deal. Members of the alliance are expected to have educated themselves in not only the proper ways of war profiteering but also curbstomping.

Alliance Announcements

GOONS Gazette

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